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Summary
This author argues against the idea that women should "turn off their brains" in relationships. The author contends that this phrase diminishes women's agency and perpetuates harmful gender roles. While it's natural to desire ease and support from a partner, this should not come at the cost of a woman's intellectual independence.
In the last few years, there has been an ongoing trend on social media where women come to the internet to glamorize how sweet and cute it is when they get to turn off their brains when they are with their partner. The problem with such a message, it diminishes a woman’s personal agency to a mere puppet. It is also a dangerous rhetoric and not be glamorized, or entertained because this is propaganda at its finest.
And when such a message is accepted, it sets up a dangerous credence in which women should be expected to turn off their brains when they are with their partner.
It is absolutely normal when a person desires someone that brings ease into their life and helps them solve problems so they don’t have to.
Most importantly there are times such a person doesn’t want to carry the burden of everything which again is fine and good and the fact that as a person you want, all this means you want partnership but to use a language that implies you losing your power or turning off your brain is problematic and dangerous.
You can talk about feelings of love, trust safety and even vulnerability these are all important aspects of a healthy relationship but to use a language that reduces your personal agency is a way of diminishing your mental acuity.
Others have argued that there is nothing wrong with women turning their brains off because women spend most of the time being alert and in defence mode therefore it is not a bad thing to let their guard down with someone they trust, and I disagree with such a notion because as a woman you can be in an amazing partnership of love and respect without wanting to turn off your brain.
The notion of women wanting to turn off their brains has to do with some high-achieving women coming to perpetuate the message of turning off their brains because, in other aspects of their life, they are strong or labelled independent. Such dangerous rhetoric should be squashed and not allowed to rare its ugly heads
As my dear friend Angel said, you can be vulnerable, want to be treated delicately and still have your brain turned on. Your thoughts matter, my friend argues further that in letting your guard down your brain is actively working and pointing out to you that you are in a safe place. Your brain is telling you that can be vulnerable enough to state your needs, wants and desires.
You can never actively turn off your brain if we are being honest. And if you need to turn off your brain, you need to ask yourself why you think your thoughts don’t matter or why you think that being unstressed is equal to you needing to turn off your brain.
A man could be the most incompetent and mediocre person ever, and he would never use language that way. We do not need to use infantilising language to describe what should be a normal human desire. By accepting that a woman should turn off her brains, you’re enforcing the patriarchy. Language matters and will always matter when it comes to social change.
Instead, you should say you want a supportive partner and that you want to come home to kindness.
I will conclude with this, as a woman in a relationship, you don’t need male leadership. Just because you want to be babied or curdled as an accomplished woman means you should be unequally yoked with a man you have to turn off your brains.
