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Summary
Women are as unique and similar as they come. To achieve solidarity and build meaningful women-centred communities, it is important to see one another in a positive light and not as enemies.
Not being ‘like other girls’ was a mindset a lot of women had growing up, which has festered into a mind-block for women connecting with each other and building meaningful relationships in their adulthood.
It bears noting that such a view has nothing to do with a self-awareness underpinning a healthy self-esteem and -image. It has no mental root in weeing oneself as a unique individual in their right, with valid opinions and interests. Rather, the idea of seeing oneself as a ‘woman unlike other women’ is rooted in a misogynistic socialisation.
From a young age, girls are raised to primarily live as a set of performances, for the approval of others and for a stamp of ‘virtuous’ approval. Women are taught to be good and proper, not for any inherent worth but for the sake of fulfilling a social obligation accrued to women. And one way of attaining this mark of virtue is for women to internalize these expectations of what a woman must be, do, say, believe and vice versa.
The women who are deemed as noncompliant to these set of ideals are ‘otherized,’ and so the average woman, in performance of the social expectations placed on her, sees herself through a lens of being in a competition, even if unconscious, with another woman. She sees herself as a contrary, contrasting figure, a seeming beacon of femininity.
Such a view of oneself ultimately leads to a lot of problems. Not only is it unhealthy to base one’s self-image not on an autonomous view, informed one’s life experiences and natural inclinations, but simply on the fact of being anti what another person stands for or personifies, forming one’s self-ideal around what others are is stunting. It also breeds bitterness and resentment. In the case where a woman has been taught that only women who engage in certain behaviours reap certain benefits, it can feel like a bandage being ripped off a sore wound to see another woman reaping such benefits without the accompanying set of expected behaviours.
To see other women as inferior or just less than human in some way because they engage in behaviours not deemed right for a woman undermines female solidarity and progress. To not actively see other women as a competition certainly does not mean that it is wrong to disagree with another woman on anything or even have personal squabbles, as common to people, and it also does not mean that every woman must be wholly homogenous to another. To not see other women as a competition or an inferior, distinct persona is to celebrate women’s differences without putting one another down. To acknowledge the ranges of personalities women possess and hobbies they enjoy without the need to castigate or denigrate them as being failures in womanhood.
To see oneself as being just like another girl is to be free one mentally, from the constraints of ‘feminine propriety’ which does nothing more than to cage women’s likes and wholesome attitudes. There is nothing wrong with liking what other women like, do, wear, etc.
Is it not ironic that women are expected to be feminine, and when women largely comply with these rules, they are still shamed as being mindless or bland? Women must always make their hair, and when a new braid style is in trend and every woman is visiting her favourite hairdresser to get it done, it suddenly becomes a sore point for people. ‘Look at them. They don’t know more than making hair or makeup. But go on doing it; men are visual creatures who are attracted to such aesthetics.’ Oh the double standards.
So do you. Be like other women. Be unique. Be interesting. Be quirky. Fraternize and seek out the companionship of other women. Your nature is not dimmed by other women of like-minded and diverse disposition, and most importantly, do not deprive yourself of the community and wealth of relationships to be found in women whom you would otherwise not be affiliated with for a bias towards them.
Summary: Women are as unique and similar as they come. To achieve solidarity and build meaningful women-centred communities, it is important to see one another in a positive light and not as enemies.
