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Summary
The battle against gendered judgment in Nigeria highlights the challenges successful women face, as societal stereotypes and derogatory labels like "ashawo" are weaponized to undermine their achievements and reinforce outdated gender norms.
Shamsiyya is a 27-year-old computer programmer who dreams of achieving great things with her skills and is working hard to make that a reality. Originally from Nigeria’s Northwestern region, she comes from a very religious Islamic family with conservative views they insist she follows. Even her decision to take a job in Abuja was seen as an affront to their authority.
“I grew up as a very ambitious lady, and when the time came for decision-making, it became a tug of war since all that I wanted to be was not close to what my family expected,” she said.
From secondary school through her university years, she often had intense arguments with her father, who prioritized her getting married after graduation above all else.
“The recurring statement was that I’m the first daughter in the family, so it was expected of me to include a man in my vision for the future. It became toxic, especially as I had to stand my ground to pursue my dream of becoming an excellent tech expert,” she explained.
Soon, however, Shamsiyya discovered that the battle with her family was not the worst she would face. As she progressed in life and shared her milestones on social media, an army of sometimes anonymous men and women attributed her achievements to sex work.
“This started on social media when I shared pictures of myself travelling and having fun with my friends,” Shamsiyya said. Every post she made attracted a deluge of ‘ashawo’ comments. “I cannot count the number of times I have read and heard these words,” she added.
Lena’s experience
Lena, a successful financier, has built a life of wealth and independence, but she’s often reduced to a cruel nickname: A prostitute. It’s a label people have given her because of her money assuming it must come from a man.
“They see my designer bags, my car, and think a man’s behind it. They call me a ‘sugar baby,’” Lena says, her voice steady but laced with frustration. “But I’ve earned everything on my own. I worked my way up from nothing.”
Growing up in a small town, Lena’s focus was always on building a better future. She studied finance, worked multiple jobs in the university , and eventually founded her own investment firm. Yet, despite her success, the assumption that a man must have “sponsored” her continues to haunt her.
“It’s like people can’t believe a woman can make it on her own. They don’t see the hard work, the sacrifices. They just see the money and assume it came from a man,” she says, shaking her head. “But I’ve worked for every penny.”
At a dinner party, Lena overheard a conversation where people some she knew whispered about her and questioned how she could afford her lifestyle. “It’s always the same,” she says. “They never ask me. They just assume.”
Despite the ongoing judgment, Lena remains undeterred. “If they want to call me Aprostitutee, let them. I’m going to keep proving them wrong. I built this life, and I’m proud of it.”
As she stands up to leave the café, Lena’s determination is clear. She may not be able to control others’ perceptions, but she will never let them define who she is.
Lena and Shamsiyya’s story is not peculiar in Nigeria but reflects the experiences of many successful women who put themselves in public.
Why the tag?
“Ashawo” is a Nigerian pidgin slang that means “prostitute” or “sex worker.” It is a derogatory term often used to slut shame and demean women who engage in commercial sex work. The term is also weaponised widely to discredit women’s achievements and character, growing harmful stereotypes and attitudes toward women.
No woman is immune to this. A Twitter user once posted pictures of Dr Betta Edu, the national women’s leader of the ruling All Progressive Congress (APC), visiting the State House to see the president. A user described Betta, a pioneer Director General of the Cross River Primary Health Care Development Agency and a one-time commissioner of health in the state, as the “head of oloshos” to the president.
In a Medium article, Dr Ola Brown, founder of the investment firm Health Cap Africa, wrote, “Men often use the ‘ashawo card’ when they are talking about women that intimidate them professionally and financially.” He added that men who slut shame women do so because “it makes him feel more secure about the many Nigerian women that he sees across the country outperforming, out-hustling and out-learning him every single day.”
This highlights a cultural problem. Successful women are often seen as defying societal expectations, as many cultures expect them to prioritise their roles as wives and mothers above all else. Any deviation from this norm is seen as inappropriate or immoral. Women like Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, Stella Oduah, and others who step into the limelight have faced similar attacks.
There is a need for change. We must reject derogatory language and promote respectful communication that recognises every individual’s inherent worth and dignity, irrespective of gender. Doing so will create safer spaces for all and foster mutual respect and understanding.
