| Hello friend,Actress Toyin Tomato recently sparked a conversation with her views on women’s relationships: “No matter how mad your husband is, don’t leave your matrimonial home. No single man will want to marry you either.” These words raise important questions about the pressures and expectations placed on women in relationships, particularly Nigerian women.Encouraging women to stay in potentially toxic situations implies that their primary responsibility is to maintain the marriage, regardless of their well-being. This view risks normalising unhealthy relationship dynamics, suggesting that women should endure emotional or even physical distress to keep their families intact. Such messages can perpetuate cycles of abuse and emotional hardship, often discouraging women from seeking the help or support they need.Additionally, the assertion that “no single man will want to marry you” implies that a woman’s value diminishes if she has been divorced, further reinforcing harmful stereotypes about women’s worth and perpetuating stigma around divorce and separation. In many Nigerian families, this stigma is particularly pronounced, with some holding an unconscious belief that “a dead daughter is better than a divorced one.” This reflects deep-seated attitudes prioritising marital status over a woman’s well-being, leading to feelings of shame and inadequacy for not getting married and making women feel trapped in relationships that do not serve their best interests.Toyin Tomato’s words also reflect societal expectations prioritising marriage as a definitive measure of a woman’s success. By suggesting that staying in an unhappy marriage is better than facing the stigma of divorce, her statement reinforces the idea that women’s success should be defined by their relationships with men rather than their individual experiences and choices. This can create an environment where women feel pressured to conform to these societal norms, even at the expense of their mental and emotional health.Moreover, this advice can deter women from pursuing their own happiness and fulfilment outside of marriage. It implies their inherent worth is tied solely to their ability to attract and keep a man rather than their personal achievements or self-identity. This mindset can hinder personal growth and self-discovery.However, Toyin Tomato’s statement highlights the need for a broader conversation about women’s autonomy and the societal pressures shaping their relationship choices. At Naija Feminists Media, we are dedicated to mainstreaming the mindset of gender equality to ensure the liberation of women and a better world. Join us, partner with us or donate to our cause.With love and solidarity,The Naija Feminists Community. |
