#16DaysofActivism: Becoming Ninja for the Protection of Women’s Lives

Getting your Trinity Audio player ready...

There is always that one comment under every femicide report, particularly highlighting that the victim must have done something wrong, and this is why there is probably going to be an additional DOHS Femicide Dashboard, which explains that there were 135 femicide incidents resulting in 150 deaths in 2024.

Similoluwa (name and profession have been altered) is yet another successful young woman with a thriving career who achieves success at a remarkably young age, a professional fashion designer with a well-equipped shop. Every single customer, friend, and family member started reminding her not to be carried away with how much she is earning while emphasising that “every woman needs a man in her life,” and that’s why she considered Ade (not real name), who has been pestering her about relationship and marriage talk on the 21st of October 2021

“At that time, I accepted him. I sincerely was not thinking of marriage, but everything moved very fast.” She got pregnant, had a baby, and then, in October 2024, she was already living as a mother of two boys.

The years were supposed to be her best years yet, but the most horrific things happened to her within the years of the marriage she had so expected much from.

“He sometimes jokes about me not going to school and being an ordinary tailor during our relationship, but I thought of it as a joke since he only has a national diploma.” The illiteracy shaming graduated to name-calling after she got pregnant, and she still ignores it, thinking of it as the norm.

He slapped her when she responded to his name-calling, highlighting, “You sef no get pass ND from a nameless poly o,” and that was the beginning of several beatings and slandering she received from her husband.

“When I met his mother, she asked if I knew that he had anger issues and that the moment he calms, he is very lovable, but when angry, he is uncontrollable.” She was always reminded of that day because she had only listened to the lovable part, as he carried every responsibility on his shoulders.

He requested that she stop working during her first pregnancy, promising that she would open a bigger one at the front of his house when the project is completed. The house project was the reason she sold her two sewing machines. 

When they finally moved in, he gave her N50,000 to start a foodstuff business, not in the big shop he had promised, but in the house at least. Similoluwa reminded him that N50,000 can’t buy enough goods, and that touches the wrong stream of consciousness. He was angry, flinging a knife, which missed her but cut her cheek.

She rushed to a chemist who gave her a first aid when the attendant asked about the cause “she explained that it’s just a minor kitchen accident,  later that night, she moved to her in-laws who lived close to them, inform them about their ‘little’ fight and was reminded of how they have informed her to be patient with him but they allowed she spend the night because it was late. 

Even while his people followed her in the morning, he blocked their entry, mentioning that she needed to explain where she slept. They begged, but he refused, which made her leave angrily, determined.

“I was very determined to leave that marriage that has turned me to someone who can’t brag if N2000 at that moment but I had to return because I made the decision without knowing that I am already pregnant with my second child” she was not happy with her decision but was reminded that who will leave the single ladies for a single mom of two, “everybody has a problem maybe her own is her marriage,” she thought.

The second pregnancy was hell of a kind, neither the restriction on what to wear and where to go nor the beating stopped, even when she fell on her tummy while trying to dodge a punch once.

But on a particular day she can’t explain where the strength to push came from maybe from the thought of how she has been saving for the machine she sold and couldn’t move past the N10,000 or the fact that she met someone who used to be her trainee asking why she looked like she aged 2x, or the fact that her foodstuff business crashed because he ate the food while she is frequently reminded of how lacks proper business and financial management skills.

“I pushed, he fell and broke his leg.” She was called names and insulted by family and friends who were also aware of the multiple belt marks on her body, who were informed when she fell on her tummy while she was heavily pregnant, even those who had rushed her to the hospital while bleeding after almost losing an eye during an altercation with her husband.

She was not aware that his broken leg would be the beginning of a more intense and life-threatening relationship between her and her husband, but after he returned home from the hospital with a cast on his leg, he looked at her and mentioned that “no exit from this marriage,  and nah me go still kill you.”

“I am not happy that he got injured in his leg because I only pushed him to escape, and my guilt did allow me to leave the marriage at that moment, even though I was tired,” she said.

However, the two major events happened, and she decided to leave for a place where no one could find her without her babies. The first of these two major events is the second time her husband threw a knife in her direction after several ‘Maagun e,’ which translates to I will stab you but that second time was fierce, and he missed.

The second was his buying an insecticide that they have decided not to use because it increases her asthma symptoms.

“I was thinking maybe he probably wanted to give it out when he requested that a neighbour get it for him, not until my asthma was triggered in the middle of the night,” she said. He sprayed insecticide in the room during the night, despite knowing that she had a severe intolerance to its fumes. Exposure to a room sprayed hours earlier in the afternoon was enough to trigger her asthma; spraying it while she slept makes her vulnerable.

She searched for her inhaler, which is always within reach, but couldn’t find it. While struggling, she discovered that the man she married had turned to her enemy because he was sitting, watching her struggle, but did not move a limb to assist.

‘The asthma attack did not kill me but reset my brain’ She moved out of the house without throwing on, rum, just her and the dress she had on, and has not returned since then.

“If you ask me about my two children, I sincerely don’t know, but I might go back to them when I am stronger. I know people will have an opinion about me, maybe a bad mother, a wayward woman, or even selfish, but it doesn’t matter, I am alive!” She concluded.

Same Linen, Different Fabric 

She survived. But all around her, women who looked like her in experience did not. In 2025 alone, some reports show losses of different women, some in their thirties like Josephine Issac, who reportedly was stabbed by her husband in Agbure Community, in Ogun Waterside Local Government area and the newlywedded Success Izekhor of Benin City, who was sent to heaven with a machete wound from her husband. Some in their twenties, like Deborah Ememen, who was strangled in a hotel room, and Deborah Moses, who was killed by an ex-boyfriend.

DOHS Ololade Ajayi spoke to Sahara I reporters on having reported 27 cases of Femicide in January alone, which increased to 40 in three months into the year, and another report which has clocked 140 in September. 

Their fabric is different: some were stabbed, others strangled; some by husbands, others by boyfriends, acquaintances or even strangers but beneath that fabric lies the same linen the vulnerability of women in Nigeria which can even be seen in comments section of femicide reports, there are several “I don’t support the murder but…” which highlighted the reason why the lives of women in Nigeria needs to be protected from the danger signal masked as comments

Do Women get to live in Nigeria?

The men change, the settings change, the weapons change, but femicide does not. ”The importance of safety – a conversation with Tolu Adeoti ( a gender and development lawyer)

How can girls report threats or violence safely and effectively? 

“Every generation of women keeps fighting the same battle,” which is why the first thing I tell every girl and woman is this: Go to safety, your safety and your protection come before any report.” The moment you feel threatened, either physically, emotionally, or digitally, remove yourself from that space if possible and move to a safe place: a friend’s house, a neighbour you trust, or even a busy public place. 

Once you’re safe, then report to maybe a trusted adult, family, teacher, religious mentor, or even a women’s rights NGO, most respond faster than formal systems, especially FIDA, which has chapters across states, even the gender unit of the nearest police station.

She emphasised the power of the seemingly small: screenshots, texts, voice notes, photos of injuries, witnesses’ names. 

“These tiny things can save a life when the abuser suddenly wants to behave like he doesn’t know what he did.”

And on laws? 

Nigeria doesn’t have a specific law that uses the word femicide yet, and that’s part of the advocacy, but killing a woman because she is a woman is still a murder punishable under the Criminal Code, Penal Code or VAPP Act. According to the law, the perpetrators can face life imprisonment and the death penalty, but the real problem is not the absence of the law but bias in policing, enforcement and the culture that treats male violence as ‘relationship drama.’

Are there common tactics of the abusers, and how can we counter them? 

Abusers in Nigeria are not creative; they repeat the same tactics like a template. It is for you as a woman to identify and move to safety. What are common tactics used by abusers, and how can we counter them? 

He might not start with a slap, but a gentle Isolation: ‘Don’t talk to that person again.” 

Counter: Keep your relationships alive, quietly

Then comes Monitoring, which is simply checking your phone, stalking your social media, but ensuring that you strengthen passwords, use disappearing messages, and block when necessary. 

When emanipulation arises, it’s usually heavier than the first two. 

“If you leave me, I will kill myself. I will kill myself is not a declaration of love. Danger, threats are red flags; report immediately.

Money becomes a weapon, too. Discouraging school, withholding support, demanding cash. But survival often hides in the smallest acts of independence: a secret savings account, ₦500 kept aside, a skill learned quietly. Even tiny control is a shield.

When a woman decides to leave, when she finally gathers the courage to say “enough,” that is when violence often peaks. Many Nigerian women are killed after attempting to walk away. Breakups must be strategic: not alone, not in private, and never without telling someone.

Finally, take an abuser’s word for it: “I will show you,” “You think you can leave me?” They are 

not mere words but prophecy, and too many women have died because of it

Interpret, speak, act, and be safe!

“Until our systems change, women must become each other’s ninjas. Protecting, warning, documenting, sheltering, refusing silence. Because silence has never saved us. But sisterhood? That just might.”

Reach out to these organisations if you are experiencing any form of abuse:

• Women Safe House, Ladies Connect Initiative
• WARDC (Women Advocates Research & Documentation Centre) – legal support + community training.
• Mirabel Centre (Lagos) – forensic support and counselling for survivors.

For more resources: research on the women’s rights advocates and community-based NGOs across states.

Editor’s Note: This article is produced as part of the 2025 Naija Feminists Media (NFM) Editorial Fellowship. NFM is an organisation committed to advancing women’s rights and gender equality in Nigeria.