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Summary
The writer reflects on the persistent trauma of gender-based violence, recounting painful experiences from childhood to adulthood, where family members have repeatedly violated her sense of safety. She emphasises the broader issue of violence against women, calling for societal change and the urgent need to confront perpetrators, especially within trusted spaces like family, to reclaim safety and dignity.
As the world marks 16 Days of Activism against Gender-Based Violence, I find myself reliving a reality that has haunted me, not only through a memory from years ago but now also as a present nightmare in the supposed safety of my own home. The house that my father built to protect us, where love and family should be our strongest shields, has now become a place where I have to run away for safety once again. And it’s not the first time.
For context, I was first touched against my will in 2007. I was just an eleven-year-old child; the perpetrator was a close family relative who stayed with us. To this day, no one in my house knows this story. I was unable to speak about it, even as it carved its way into my soul, leaving behind scars I still struggle to heal. The weight of familial silence made it all the more painful. To this day, I still have to interact with him because he remains woven into the fabric of our family—a man I am forced to treat with respect despite knowing what he did to me as a child.
Fast forward to 2022, even as an older lady, I found myself facing a similar horror. While trying to comfort my unwell sister, I went to my room for a short respite. Moments later, an older relative entered without knocking, and before I knew it, his hands were on me. I had to flee my own room, once my sanctuary, and take refuge with my sister. I lay there sobbing, the echoes of my childhood trauma merging with this fresh wound. The trauma I thought I had safely tucked away came rushing back, reminding me of why I hate being touched and why a sense of safety has been so elusive.
This incident is not just about me. It is part of a larger tapestry of abuse that women everywhere endure. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been assaulted or harassed—on the streets, in marketplaces, on buses, in social spaces, and now, twice in my own home. Each incident chips away at any lingering sense of safety and trust, leaving behind a constant wariness that many women, like myself, carry daily. This isn’t an exaggeration; it’s a reality. Gender-based violence is pervasive, as routine as it is insidious, and it’s something we must confront with full transparency.
The theme “I Am Not Your Prey, or Am I Afraid” rings particularly true. For many women, confronting our abusers often means facing those we know—family, friends, trusted colleagues—and acknowledging that the concept of “safety” is, more often than not, just an illusion. It means having to live through cycles of assault and silence, where speaking up is frequently met with blame or excuses. “Were you dressed inappropriately?” “Did you give him the wrong signal?” These familiar refrains imply that we are somehow responsible for the violence against us.
But we are not. Gender-based violence, in all its forms, is a societal issue, not an individual one. It’s about power, control, and the deep-seated belief that women’s boundaries are somehow negotiable. And until we recognise that women are not “overreacting” when we speak up, until we take action to hold perpetrators accountable, even within our own families, this violence will persist.
As I share my story, I know I am not alone. This story, painful as it is, is one that countless women share. But silence cannot be the answer anymore, for the sake of every woman who has been made to feel like prey and for all who feel afraid in spaces that should be safe, we must address and uproot this violence. Only then can we reclaim our homes, public spaces, and most importantly, our lives.
With degrees in English Literature from Ahmadu Bello University and the University of Ibadan, Divine is deeply committed to humanitarian work, focusing on policy and advocacy for women and girls. She values collaborations that align with her vision of sustainability and equality. In her free time, she enjoys writing, travelling, football and singing.
