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Summary
This guide explores how to dismantle internalised misogyny by identifying, questioning, unlearning, and challenging the sexist beliefs women often subconsciously project onto themselves and others.
“I’m not like other girls.”
“She’s a pick-me girl.”
“Boys will be boys.”
If these phrases sound familiar, you’ve likely encountered—and maybe even participated in—internalised misogyny. This is when women subconsciously project sexist ideas onto themselves and other women. It’s a byproduct of misogyny, not a personal flaw, and it’s a societal issue we all navigate.
To dismantle this deeply ingrained system within ourselves, we must learn to: Identify, Question, Unlearn, and Challenge. While it’s a profound journey, actively committing to it is the first step toward genuine liberation.
Identifying
You can’t fix a problem you don’t recognise. The first step is to turn that critical gaze inward and examine yourself with unflinching honesty. Internalised misogyny often manifests in subtle, insidious forms:
Self-Deprecation and Gender-Based Stereotypes: Applying negative stereotypes to yourself based on your gender, like saying, “I don’t know about cars because I’m a woman.” Reframe this to, “I don’t know about cars because I haven’t learned.” Your capacity for knowledge isn’t dictated by your gender.
Devaluing and Distrusting Other Women: This surfaces in our perceptions of other women. Think about unwarranted hostility or suspicion toward a woman before she’s even spoken. This is a stark example of deep-rooted distrust between women.
Policing Other Women: This is judging another woman’s life choices based on misogynistic standards, like the intrusive question, “Why don’t you want kids?” We inadvertently become enforcers of the restrictive boxes that misogyny has created for us.
Competing with Other Women: A common manifestation is the “I’m not like other girls” mindset. This phrase often comes from a place of believing your value increases by distancing yourself from and diminishing other women who embrace things like makeup, pink, or pop culture.
Questioning
Once you identify these patterns, the next crucial step is to ask: Why? Become an inquisitive detective and question the narratives that have shaped you.
Ask yourself these powerful questions:
Where did this belief come from? For example, the “I’m not like other girls” phase often comes from Hollywood tropes that pit the “girly girl” against the “cool girl” protagonist. Understanding this media narrative can be a game-changer.
Who benefits from my believing this? Many misogynistic beliefs exist to maintain the current power structure, serving to degrade you or other women.
Would I think this if they were a man? This is a powerful litmus test. If you call a woman “bossy” for her ambition, would you call a man with the same drive “a leader”? This exposes the double standards we might subconsciously hold.
Unlearning
This is the most challenging, yet liberating, phase. It’s about actively dismantling the mental frameworks that have shaped your perceptions for years. This isn’t just about acknowledging a problem; it’s about retraining your brain to default to compassion, solidarity, and self-acceptance instead of judgment and competition.
Unlearning is a crucial process because our families, friends, and communities often pass on these misogynistic ideas unknowingly. Without intentional effort, we risk perpetuating the same harmful cycles.
Challenge
The final and most important step is to apply your new wisdom. It’s not enough to just think differently; you must act differently. This means gently but firmly resisting sexist ideas when you hear them—in conversations, at work, or at home.
You don’t need to take up placards to make a difference. You can engage in small acts of micro-feminism, becoming a champion for treating all women with the kindness and respect we all deserve. By doing this, you’re not just changing yourself; you’re actively contributing to a more equitable world.
