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Summary
Lawyers are seen as the conscience and voice of the society yet, the male lawyers possessed the ghetto mindset of street boys in the way they relate with female lawyers. In this article, Jenifatu Yakubu exposes the behaviours of misogynistic male lawyers. She called out the NBA for a reform and stand firm on women's rights.
I felt triggered when the new national anthem was sung. This was the first time I really listened to it, and it reeked of religious and sexist undertones. Words like God and man made it clear that women and non-religious people don’t even exist in Nigeria’s imagination. Using “God” and “man” excluded women and those without religion from existence itself. I prefer a secular society where everyone is included, and where language is gender-sensitive. The anthem should be rewritten to reflect inclusivity. Lawyers, of all people, should be at the forefront of critiquing this kind of religious imposition and rallying around secular and gender-sensitive alternatives.
Then, there’s the way male lawyers casually refer to women as “conference materials.” That phrase alone is degrading. Nigerian society is already misogynistic, patriarchal, and sexist, as male lawyers simply mirror the society we live in. But to be a lawyer is to be held to a higher standard. We are trained to think critically, refine our conduct, and embody professionalism. To objectify women in such a crude manner shows that some lawyers haven’t risen above the average street mindset.
Language is powerful; it can humanise or dehumanise. When women are called “conference materials,” it reinforces the idea that women exist as tools to satisfy male pleasure. Men don’t see women as equal participants in sexual pleasure, and they often assume a woman’s value depreciates once she has sex.
Such thinking fuels gender-based violence. If a woman is objectified, men begin to feel entitled to her body, and when she refuses, it can escalate to molestation. For lawyers, especially being people who should know better, have normalised this dehumanising language, and this makes it even more intolerable than in wider society.
There is nothing immoral about female lawyers choosing to have fun in whatever way they want. But it is profoundly disrespectful to objectify them as part of the conference package for men to explore. I support anyone, especially women, having sex if it is consensual, enthusiastic, and free from coercion or manipulation. But I would rather fuck a stranger than sleep with a male lawyer at a conference if he believes disrespecting women adds feathers to his ego.
Sex should be fun and mutually respectful, not an act that degrades one partner. Yet too many male lawyers treat it exactly that way, no different from the average man on the street. Such a mindset is ghetto, and in a sane society, such behaviour would not go scot-free.
Whenever I call out sexist remarks, I’m told to “rest” or reminded it’s “just a joke.” This reflects how sexism and misogyny are normalised in Nigeria. Men are let off the hook with no accountability, while women like me are gaslighted as “angry” or “bitter.” Honestly, it is exhausting to always call out sexism, and it takes a toll on my mental health. Still, I refuse to let it slide. There should be institutional consequences for sexist behaviour, not just peer pressure, so men actually learn that disrespect has consequences.
The disrespect goes beyond words. At the conference, a male lawyer stretched out his hand to stroke my face like I was a child, telling me I was beautiful, as if I should giggle with excitement like a teenage girl. I felt disrespected and infantilised. I had to call him out and express my displeasure. He gave me a half-hearted apology, but I was glad I made him uncomfortable. He even admitted he was afraid to say more. Good! Men need to feel that fear, the same way women constantly fear harassment. You may call me angry or bitter, but one thing I will never allow is disrespect to women.
At the AGM, I was glad when a female lawyer raised the issue of male condescension toward their female colleagues. Sadly, I couldn’t attend due to health issues, even though I had planned to raise it myself. The NBA must take this issue seriously. Female lawyers are not objects of pleasure. If lawyers can’t respect women among themselves, how can we claim to be the conscience of society? It is hypocritical to call ourselves “the voice of the people” while holding 7th-century attitudes toward women.
This extends to culture and religion. At a women’s session, I noticed how difficult it is for women to confront the fact that religion and tradition themselves are patriarchal. Many women try to cherry-pick verses to justify equality, but this only deepens the cognitive dissonance. I know because I lived through that struggle myself. I used to perform mental gymnastics to prove my religion was feminist, but the truth is, religion and culture are often the very tools that limit women.
As a feminist, I am sensitive to acts and language that degrade women. And as a woman’s advocate who has been trained to spot misogyny, no matter how minute, I feel obligated to call it out. Feminist and women’s rights groups should detach from religious justifications and instead decenter men, patriarchal traditions and religion altogether. That is the only way we can lay a foundation to dismantle patriarchy.
The NBA should interrogate culture and religion critically and reframe religion to be on par with human rights and feminism. We need to acknowledge that feminist movements like suffragettes fought for women despite cultural and religious bias, as it was and still is politically risky. It is disheartening that in a Senate of 109 members, only 4 are women. We want more women leaders, but not women who pander to men’s egos. We need assertive, women-centred leaders who will advocate for us, influence lawmaking, and fight for equality without apology.
Another thing that triggered me was the constant comments about weight gain. Every time someone mentioned it, it reminded me of how common body shaming is. People should learn not to comment on other people’s weight, body, marital status, parenting, or personal life. You don’t know if it was illness, medication, or stress that caused weight loss or gain. Illness, medication, and life stressors can affect weight either way.
Emphasising someone’s body when they are simply trying to live their life only reminds them of the struggles they may already be facing. Like my doctor once told me when I complained about body shaming: I had to choose between my health managed with medical interventions or being consumed by the illness. If you truly want to know, then ask from a place of curiosity and compassion, not condescension. People know the difference.
Even at the parties, the sexism was loud. At parties and specifically at Unbarred, I noticed the music ratio as male artists was 10:1 compared to women. Songs by Odumodublvck with misogynistic lyrics were blasted uncritically, and this made me cringe. If we want inclusive fun, the NBA must screen DJs and MCs to ensure events are not fueling misogyny under the guise of entertainment. An inclusive conference must be gender-sensitive and mindful of the cultural content it promotes.
If the NBA doesn’t address these issues, it risks losing moral legitimacy. The silence of so-called “progressive” male lawyers is itself a form of complicity. They should stand as allies, not mute bystanders. For me, my role as a lawyer is inseparable from my feminism. Feminism is about human rights for women, and the law is supposed to protect human rights. If lawyers can’t embody equality in our own ranks, then we have no moral authority to fight injustice outside.
Writing this piece in different venues, especially at the opening ceremony, the Lagos party, and Unbarred, despite the noise, was a form of reflection and speaking my truth to power. Like one writer once said, whenever inspiration comes, you must write because it is a privilege that can be taken away at any time. I once read about a writer who ran from the farm, dragging her inspiration by the hand so it wouldn’t escape, rushing home to pen it down before it slipped away. That is how I felt. These thoughts pressed on me, and I had to capture them.
This year’s theme, Stand Out and Stand Tall, reflects our collective quest to rise above a society riddled with oppression and sexism. As lawyers, especially male lawyers, we must reflect on this theme in how we relate to our female counterparts. We cannot truly stand out or stand tall if we mirror the traits of the average person on the street. We are called ‘learned’ for a reason
I hope that at the next NBA Annual General Conference, these issues will no longer be swept under the rug. The Nigerian Bar Association must take deliberate steps to foster an inclusive, respectful environment where female lawyers are treated as equals, not objects. Male lawyers, too, must rise above the ghetto mindset of commodifying women and instead embody the dignity and professionalism they claim to uphold. Only then can our conference truly reflect the values of justice, equity, and humanity that the legal profession stands for.
This article was first published on medium
