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Summary
Following Tanzanian musician Juma (Jux) Mkambala's announcement that he had successfully convinced Priscillia Ojo to change her religion and name, gender advocate Ijeoma Chinonyerem warns ladies about early marriages. She shares that younger women can easily be manipulated to engage in sacrificial love, one that is never expected from their male counterparts.
I watched a recent interview in which Mr. Priscy (Juma Jux Mkambala, a Tanzanian musician) talked about himself and his newlywed wife, Priscilla Ojo (a Nigerian Influencer). He said he convinced Priscy to convert to Islam. She didn’t want to do it, but he continued trying and trying until she finally agreed.
It was hard, so he had to get tips from Muslim clerics to convince her to convert, and they told him how to handle it. He proudly added that she no longer bears the name Priscilla. She has been given a Muslim name, and that is what she goes by now. I think Hadiza or something.
In that interview, he denied that they had a Christian wedding in Nigeria. He said their only valid wedding was their Nikkah (the Muslim wedding they did last year). What they did in Nigeria was a “blessing” of marriage/prayers, not a Christian wedding.
The pastor didn’t officiate the wedding; he merely blessed it. And that he, Mr Priscy, agreed to it because Iyabo Ojo is a staunch Christian and insisted on giving out her daughter the Christian way.
But it wasn’t a Christian wedding, rather a blessing of marriage. He didn’t do a Christian wedding, and the only valid wedding he did was the Nikkah, which was their first wedding.
He was eager and determined to convince the interviewers that he didn’t have a Christian wedding. He spoke about it for over two minutes and kept going. Hmm. So, this 35-year-old man dated and married a 23 to 24-year-old girl?
Then, he convinced her to move to his country, Tanzania, where she knew no one and couldn’t speak their language.
Note that Kiswahili is Tanzania’s lingua franca, and 90 to 95% of Tanzanians don’t speak English.
As if that sacrifice wasn’t enough, he, by his admission, coerced her to change her religion to his. He admitted she didn’t want to do it. She kicked against it. But clerics gave him the “tools” to use and manipulate her into accepting.
He didn’t stop there. He also coerced her into changing her name to a Muslim name. So she is no longer Priscilla and will no longer answer to it. But now has a new name.
And finally, he bragged that the white wedding they had months ago in Nigeria was not a Christian wedding.
Though a prominent pastor was present, they exchanged Christian vows and followed Christian marital doctrine. They exchanged rings and everything, it was not a Christian wedding but a mere blessing that was held just because Iyabo wanted one.
Hmm, Hmm-er, Hmm-est!!! You see, when we tell young girls to wait a little bit before getting married, this is why. When older men go for really young girls, there’s a reason why.
There are sacrifices/compromises that young girls may be willing to make that older women would never agree to.
While a 24-year-old, doe-eyed lover girl would agree to disavow her religion and change her name for “love,” a 27/28- or 28-year-old woman would never!
It is not about money, power, or fame—after all, Priscy had all three before she met Mr Priscy. It is about coming into your own as a woman, experiencing total autonomy, and understanding that you are whole and need not lose everything because of marriage.
Realising that not all sacrifices are expedient. Most are just for power play. So the man can brag about it.
All around the world, millions of married interreligious couples practice their respective religions and don’t have to convert. I remember watching the legendary Shah Rukh Khan way back in secondary school, talking about how he’s a Muslim but his wife is a Hindu, and it has never been an issue. They each practice their respective religions.
Here in Nigeria, many married interreligious couples practice their respective religions. There are plenty. The husband is Muslim, the wife is Christian, and there is no wam.
But Mr Priscy coerced his young wife to change her name and religion despite her reluctance, came to brag about it, distanced himself from hers, and basically called their flamboyant white wedding a blessing.
Of course, Priscy will be fine. By virtue of her privilege, there are some missteps she can afford because she has a strong safety net.
But you, a young woman reading and tapping into love stories, know that this is a huge red flag—a red canopy—a crimson bloody red sea!
Any man who forces or insists you change your religion, name, or identity to his while publicly distancing himself from yours is a huge, big no. You are not a slave. You are deserving of your autonomy. You deserve to practice your religion or to be irreligious if you want
You deserve to hold onto your given name (I HATE THAT THIS IS EVEN HERE).
You deserve a man who won’t spend minutes publicly disassociating himself from your religion while forcing his down your throat.
You deserve to marry as an adult with your fully formed choices.
You deserve not to make sacrifices or compromises that are useless and serve no other purpose but to boost the man’s ego.
And before you come here to say “they are in love, as long as it works for them,” let me ask you, which man has so loved his wife that he agreed to change his religion, change his given name, and the wife gone on media rounds to brag about it and distance herself from his religion?
Abi love no dey shack men too?
Editor’s note: This article was first published on Facebook by the author.
