When a Nigerian girl begins to understand the world, she is told the kind of woman she must become to be accepted by a man. It starts with small things, such as how she should dress, speak, and what she should or shouldn’t eat. And it always ends with one goal of being good enough to be chosen.
She’s told to be submissive. To love the things her husband loves, even when it costs her. If she says, “I don’t like okra soup,” the immediate response is, “What if your husband likes it?”
None of her personal boundaries, dislikes, or preferences matter. It’s about the man. Always about the man.
The church, a huge reinforcement of this doctrine, feeds scriptures like,
“Wives, submit to your husbands,” and “A wise woman builds her home.” We all know these messages are never balanced. Women are told to bend, break, suffer, compromise and forgive, no matter what, and I mean no matter what, with scripture messages like, “God hates divorces.” As for the men? They’re told they’re the head—full stop.
When a woman dares to say she doesn’t want to be submissive, she’s met with insults and Bible verses. She’s mocked, accused of pride, or labelled a bad woman. In a recent post by a woman on Twitter, known as Cured Catfish Claudia, she asked a question: “Men, if you were a woman, what kind of woman do you think you would be?”
The responses have shocked and surprised so many women, but not feminists who have been screaming from the rooftops that men are jealous of women.
“I’d look for a tall, attractive man who’s good in bed and get him to buy me nice things. (No homo).”
“I’d be a gold digger. Work is stressful.”
“I’d be a lesbian. I can’t stand men.”
“I’d be a money-hungry whore.”
“I’d hate men.”
Walk with me….After all the noise about wanting a submissive wife… a mother of five… a woman who stays at home, wakes up at 4 a.m., cooks, and stands by her cheating husband—this is what men say they would be if they were women?
Not one of them said, “I’d be a good wife.”
“I’d save myself for marriage.”
“I’d be a prayerful, obedient, God-fearing wife.”
Instead, they named everything they’ve told their fellow men to hate: gold diggers. Sex workers. “Loose” women. Women who don’t want anything to do with men.
This is very telling about men. These men don’t want to become the women they expect us to be. They don’t want to suffer, be broke, pregnant, and still cooking for an ungrateful man. They don’t want to stay loyal to a man who cheats. They don’t want to be submissive, uneducated housewives raising five kids alone.
They want to enjoy. They want money. They want sex. They want pleasure. They want options.
And most of all, they want freedom. So why are women still being taught to carry the cross that men themselves would never touch? Why are we still being told that submission, sacrifice, and silence are the price of love?
This is your sign to learn that men are not trying to become the women they pressure you to be. They don’t even want that life for themselves. So why should you? Take notes. Open your eyes. Choose yourself.
