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Summary
The writer reflects on her deep fear of men, comparing it to the anxiety they once felt around chickens, which grew stronger in isolated situations. Over time, after facing betrayal and harm, she learned to regain control over their emotions, let go of fear, and stop giving men power over their peace and safety.
I’m more scared of men than I’ll ever admit.
I am better now, but there was once a time, as a girl, when my fear of men could be likened to something else I feared when I was much younger.
I never feared chickens when I saw them on the street, but once I encountered one in a secluded place or got into the same room with one, even if it was tied up, I found myself petrified. I became highly anxious because I felt that it could display aggression at any moment and was more likely to hurt me than just leave me alone.
This is the same way I felt about all men. Even worse when there are a group of them in a secluded place with me.
I’m more likely to believe they would hurt or harm me than leave me alone.
Why? You may ask. Has a man hurt you before? You may also ask.
If you’re a woman, I’ll ask you back. Haven’t at least one hurt you before?
I have had experiences with men I’d rather not retell. One that makes me unsurprised when I hear others tell tales of desperate wickedness by men.
I admit that all humans, irrespective of gender, have a propensity for inhuman behaviour.
However, I have not been given reason to fear women as I fear men.
I find it harder to trust men because I have watched and seen too many betray that trust in ways that make me scared of the power another person can hold over you.
Feelings of paralysing anxiety from just being in a secluded place with a man because I feel he may jump me like a triggered chicken is very disheartening.
Regardless, just like the fear of chicken, the fear of men was subdued.
Did I first have to learn that my emotions and behaviours must not be dictated by a man? Yes.
There was a time I found all men abhorrent, and I couldn’t even imagine a relationship with any man, and I saw all men through the lenses of the vile ones I’d experienced. But I had to slowly learn that not all men are monsters and though most are, I need not fear all men because of a man.
I learnt better tactics for protecting myself against emotional and physical damage. I learnt to flee every appearance of red flags and evil. I learnt that my peace is such a high priority that I make sure no man has it in his hands.
There is nothing better than sitting with yourself and telling yourself hatred and fear can only get you so far. Hating and fearing all men because of one man or some men was not profitable in a world where I couldn’t forever escape them.
Instead, I allowed myself to be transformed into one who knows that no man can affect or damage me unless I allow him to, and once I give any man the semblance of control over me, I lose myself more.
I am glad to share that I have no such problems anymore. Slowly but surely, I can stay with chickens and men in a secluded place without needing to flee, even when nothing is going wrong.
