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Summary
Lola gets beaten up frequently by her younger brother. However, no one barely intercede. When they do, they say it's because she provoked her brother into anger and that she should comply with his demands in silence. On the day she got a group of people to retaliate against her brother, her community blamed her for the vengeance. Lola feels alienated and defeated. It’s as though there is no one on her side.
Lola Adedeji lives with her mother, Patience and younger brother, Adebami, at the Federal University of Akure. (FUTA). On Nov 23, 2024, I met Lola by the popular Alaba River in Ondo State, sitting at the edge of the bridge. The first thought that appeared in my mind was, that this lady was about to commit suicide.
I moved closer to her and said,
“Sister, I don’t know what you are going through, but this decision you are about to make is not going to help you.”
She tilted her head, gawking at me in a daze. Then I noticed the left side of her eyes. It was swollen and bloodied scarlet. I couldn’t help but take another look and saw little injuries all over her body.
I became angry, suspecting someone had done something horrible to her.
“What happened to you?” I wanted to scream, but I whispered to her in my most gentle voice.
This time, I had crunched next to her. I don’t know if it was the question I asked, but she began to weep, and the next thing she began to weep.
She held my hands and wept profusely. My heart was hurting, I knew instantly she was going through something significantly bad.
Ten minutes later, she was done crying,
“Thank you,” she sniffed.
Thank you? I had done nothing for her.
“Can you tell me what happened to your left eye?” I probed again.
She smiled, but it was a sad one that pierced my soul.
“My younger brother beats me up,” she stated.
I had suspected as much it was a form of male violence.
“Do you want me to help you get people to beat him up?” Her face gazed at me in disbelief.
A smile blossomed on her face. She became free and comfortable in my presence and started sharing her experience.
“It was because I bought a new phone for my mother,” she began. “The piece of trash followed me into the bathroom, asking for the phone,” she recounted, her voice filled with anger.
“I had allowed the neighbour’s and people’s advice get to me,” she continued. “They had advised me to not respond, that I should be diplomatic when interacting with my brother since I am educated. That I should not come down to his level, and I should not react, which I did, but they didn’t want to understand that when I don’t respond, I get beaten up too.”
“On this particular day that he was beating me again in the bathroom asking for the phone, I began to scream for help, and no one came to my rescue. Although I have never believed in anyone coming to save me, unfortunately, like a fool, I believed the word of my neighbours, who made a promise that if I was shouting, that would be a cue for them to come help me. What I didn’t know was as I called for help, they ignored me, which emboldened him. What I discovered was they had discussed among themselves that, oh, that girl and her brother have started again.
“It was a stranger who came in to help, and like magic, my brother with bipolar acting changed from the devil to a good boy. He began to paint me as a witch, complaining that he bought a phone, and I seized it from him.”
“The stranger looked at him in confusion, what my brother was saying was not true because what he saw was entirely different from what came out of my brother’s mouth.
“When I came outside, one of the neighbours complained that I was at fault even before I could accuse him. Another one advised me to leave the house or get married.
“After listening to them, I realised that these people don’t have my well-being at heart. He had these expectations that I should be a perfect victim. This means I must not be the cause of my brother’s reactions, I must not react, I must be a perfect victim for me to be taken seriously.”
“I made an oath saying if my brother doesn’t leave the house, I was going to poison him they all began to surround me preaching, saying I should not do that for my brother. My eyes opened up again, they didn’t tell me all this preaching because they cared about me, but because they were genuinely worried about my brother.”
“So I told them I was going to report to the community leader so he would be exiled, and the neighbours, like before, proved themselves again that they genuinely love my brother and don’t see anything wrong with his actions, they tried to convince me that that was not good because how was he going to feed.”
“At this point, I was agitated, where did these people get the audacity to spew such rubbish? I was the one with my mother feeding my brother, but he went around telling anyone he saw that he was feeding us.
“But, when he beats me, they would sit down with my brother to warn him, and the warning sounded like this: Adebami, you are a man, why are you fighting with a woman? You are the man of the house, and you should behave like one. This was the type of dangerous advice they gave him, and they tried to assure me that he would listen. After they were gone, he became the devil.
“On the day he beat me, I was genuinely tired. I went to find another person who was different and thinking differently from the rest of the neighbours. I showed him my face, and he gathered boys to beat up my brother. “He was beaten like a criminal. But that didn’t remove my anger. It’s a week now, and he has yet to beat me or try to take my food.”
So why are you sitting at the edge of the bridge? I asked her. I thought you wanted to commit suicide.
She shook her head negatively, “No, I have no intention of doing that, I’m just here because I want to be alone.
“I already decided never to be a perfect victim, as expected by people. Although, I feel stuffy. I’m being blamed for getting my brother beaten up, The neighbours are saying I went too far. Hence, why I am here.”
