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Summary: Internalised misogyny refers to how women unconsciously absorb sexist beliefs and begin to view themselves and other women as inferior. The piece explores how this conditioning develops, how it shows up in everyday attitudes and behaviours, and why unlearning it through awareness, solidarity and feminist thought is essential.
Have you ever heard the term “internalised misogyny” and paused to wonder what it actually means? It is often spoken about as though it is something extreme or intentional, but in reality, it is quiet, ordinary, and deeply embedded in everyday life. Internalised misogyny is what happens when women absorb sexist beliefs about women and begin to see those beliefs as truth.
From an early age, many women are taught, directly and indirectly, that they are less than men. Men are presented as leaders, thinkers, and decision makers, while women are framed as emotional, irrational, or secondary. When these ideas are repeated often enough, they do not just exist outside women. They begin to live inside them. Some women grow up genuinely believing that men are naturally smarter, more capable, or more deserving of authority. This belief is not based on evidence. It is based on conditioning.
Internalised misogyny also shapes how women see one another. A common example is the belief that female friendships are full of drama, jealousy, and competition, while male friendships are seen as simple and genuine. This narrative teaches women to distrust each other and to see other women as threats rather than allies. Normal conflict between women is exaggerated and moralised, while similar behaviour among men is excused or ignored. Over time, women learn to distance themselves from other women as a way of appearing more acceptable.
Another way internalised misogyny operates is in reactions to women who challenge gender expectations. When a woman speaks confidently, asserts her boundaries, or demands equality, she is often labelled arrogant, aggressive, or difficult. Instead of questioning why women are discouraged from taking up space, some women direct their discomfort at the woman who refuses to be small. She is seen as disruptive, as someone making life harder for other women, simply by refusing to accept inequality.
This mindset can also lead women to police other women’s choices. From judging how women dress to criticising their ambition or independence, internalised misogyny encourages women to enforce the same restrictions that limit them. It creates the illusion that compliance will bring safety, approval, or respect, even though those rewards are often temporary or conditional.
Understanding internalised misogyny is the first step towards undoing it, but awareness alone is not enough. Unlearning it requires deliberate action. It begins with questioning automatic thoughts about women, especially when those thoughts frame women as inferior, untrustworthy, or undeserving. It means interrogating where these beliefs came from and who benefits from them being maintained.
Another crucial step is intentionally rebuilding how women relate to one another. Choosing solidarity over competition, supporting women who speak up instead of distancing oneself from them, and refusing to participate in the policing of other women’s bodies or choices are powerful acts of resistance. This does not require perfection, but it does require conscious effort.
It also involves expanding whose voices are trusted and valued. Actively listening to women’s experiences, reading feminist work, and challenging narratives that position men as the default standard helps to dismantle internalised hierarchies. When women see themselves and other women as complex, capable, and fully human, sexist beliefs begin to lose their grip.
Internalised misogyny thrives in silence and denial. It weakens when named, questioned, and challenged. Feminism offers not just critique, but possibility: the possibility of self-respect without comparison, confidence without apology, and relationships between women that are rooted in equality rather than suspicion.
