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Summary
Nigerian feminist writer Uloma has criticised the common advice that women in toxic or abusive relationships should leave one man for another who will treat them better. She shared that this advice is male-centred. She urged that women should be advised to leave relationships for their peace, not to be with another man.
Nigerian feminist Uloma has questioned the popular advice that women in toxic or abusive relationships should simply leave one man for another who will treat them better.
In a post shared on September 24, 2025, Uloma said that such guidance is risky and male-centred, as it reinforces the idea that a woman’s happiness depends on men rather than her own agency.
She noted that society has conditioned women to see the reward for leaving an unhealthy relationship not as their personal freedom or peace of mind, but as the hope of finding a better man.
“The incentive for women leaving a bad situation with one man isn’t their own freedom, but the hopeful promise of a better man. We almost cannot imagine a reality where staying single and breathing is a viable incentive,” she wrote.
Uloma further highlighted the emotional risks women face when rushing from one relationship into another, including emotional residue, impaired judgment, rebound effect, and lack of self-reflection.
She stressed that women’s happiness is too often tied to men, and called for a shift towards encouraging women to prioritise independence, healing, and self-fulfilment after leaving harmful relationships.
