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Summary
Jumoke Balogun, a survivor of over a decade of male violence, shares her harrowing journey of enduring violence in marriage. This calls for an urgent need for stronger support systems and protection for women facing similar realities in Nigeria.
For over a decade, Jumoke Balogun has been trapped in a toxic relationship with her husband, Jamiu. The abuse began just months into their relationship in 2011, but after the first incident, Jamiu begged for forgiveness, promising to be a better man and never to lay a hand on her again. Clinging to the hope that he would genuinely change, Jumoke stayed, enduring the physical and emotional abuse.
“His pleas for forgiveness were convincing,” Jumoke told HumAngle. So, they carried on with their love lives. When the second blow came, Jumoke resolved to leave the abusive relationship. But a few days later, she discovered that she was pregnant.
When Jumoke informed her parents and extended relatives about the pregnancy, they all advised her to keep it. She said it made her vulnerable and terrified, but she stayed back again, hoping that her husband would turn over a new leaf.
Despite the continued abuse, the duo got married and were blessed with two children. “He had a daughter before getting married to me, making three children that I look after,” Jumoke added.
However, neither the marriage nor the children put an end to the abuse. In addition to physical injuries, Jumoke also suffered verbal assaults and emotional manipulation. Whenever she complained to her parents, they reminded her of the need to make sacrifices for her children.
Scary situation
Jumoke’s story highlights the pervasive issue of domestic violence in different homes and how it affects millions of women worldwide. This menace not only violates women’s rights but also takes a severe toll on their physical and mental well-being.
Beyond depression, women who experience abuse often face alcohol use disorders, injuries, and even death from homicide. According to a 2018 survey by the National Demographic and Health, one in three women in Nigeria experiences physical or emotional abuse.
The Nigerian government has taken some steps to address this issue through the Violence Against Persons Prohibition (VAPP) Act 2015, which was enacted to address all kinds of abuse across all genders.
Similarly, some states have implemented programmes to support victims of domestic violence, but more needs to be done because married women experiencing physical, emotional, or sexual violence in their marriage often face significant barriers when reporting domestic violence, including fear of victim-blaming, lack of police action, and social stigma when they quit abusive relationships.
Sometime in December 2022, Jamiu’s trust issues and insecurity fueled his rage against his wife, as he battered Jumoke because he suspected that she was talking to another man on the phone.
“I had to involve the police when he hit me in 2022, but the police still urged me to beg my husband. He accused me of speaking with another man on the phone. Despite denial, he was so furious and started beating me in his car till we got home,” Jumoke explained.
The final straw
The final straw came on Nov. 14, 2024, when Jamiu beat Jumoke mercilessly, leaving her with severe injuries, including damage to her eyes.
“When I returned home from work, I asked our daughter why she hadn’t been responding to my calls, but she explained that her father had taken away her phone, punishing her for not being where he expected her to be. Instead, she had gone to collect something from a friend.
“I assured her that I would speak with him when he returned home as a mother. When I spoke with him at night, he accused our 17-year-old daughter of seeing her boyfriend, which led to him seizing her phone and sending her out of the house,” Jumoke narrated.
When she pleaded with him to reconsider, Jamiu became enraged and turned his anger towards her. He did not only beat her; he took away her two phones, and she was left stunned, wondering why her attempts to defend their daughter had escalated into violence. Even when Jumoke returned to her room, hoping to return to the sitting room when her husband was less angry, he followed her, and the situation worsened.
When Jumoke resisted, her husband grabbed her braids and dragged her out of the room to the living room.
“Our daughter, whom he had previously chased out of the house, was still within the compound. He then went after her, forcing her out of the compound and locking the gate. I managed to break free from his grip and ran out of the house, hoping to escape the brutality. But he ran after me, inflicting more beatings and dragging me across the concrete floor. The assault left me battered and bruised all over,” she told HumAngle, crying profusely on the phone.
Rescued by neighbours and relatives
Jumoke explained that she managed to escape when her neighbours begged on her behalf. Even when Jumoke’s mother and her younger sister arrived to intervene, Jamiu threatened to abuse them as well.
“I was taken to the hospital with a cloth filled with blood stains, and my kids were taken to my younger sister’s house,” Jumoke added.
Editor’s note: This story was first published on HumAngle Media.
